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Want to know how I spend most of my time right now?

The journey for everyone I have the utter privilege of working with is completely unique.

My private practice is developing in ways that I get to support people with working through many things from birth trauma to developmental trauma and everything in between.

But do you want to know the one thing that is the common thread throughout all of that right now?

Without fail it is helping women reclaim their fire.

That is, it.


Sacred, transformational fire.

Fire through healthy anger that helps create boundaries.

Fire that is key to our sexual drive.

Fire that creates art, music – the actual life force energy and vitality that literally keeps the blood pumping through our veins.

Let’s take a little meander through some the conditions that may be behind what I am seeing in private practice:

Through the biological lens:

When we experience something so overwhelming and go into freeze response, our whole system prior to this has gone through the threat response cycle of being alert, then fight and flight (spoiler alert - it is often both not one or the other). So, this then gets suppressed by the freeze (clever freeze response keeping us safe), BUT – in part because of our lack of connection to nature, community, and space to ‘move through the freeze’ - the energy is suppressed and gets tightly bound and stored in our system.

We need space to work through this and metabolise this energy in a way that does not overload the system when we peel back the layers. We call this titration.

When we do the work of healing from traumatic events it is not just the energy of the trauma that we are metabolising to heal from the trauma.

We are also reclaiming the same energy - which is life force energy, and rerouting it so we can move

through life with its power. This is why I do not use the words ‘release from trauma’ and instead use the word metabolise. When we can tolerate a little of this energy coming into the system metabolise that which didn’t get chance to metabolise - we are also saying yes to a greater sense of vitality and joy. We gain it back. We metabolise. AND this is empowerment.

Through a developmental lens: This energy may be further bound and hard to claim if things were absorbed as a child or there was a lack of emotional attunement. Things could have been absorbed, such as seeing anger coupled with violence, so there is some meaning making in the mix that says anger always = violence - when in fact anger is an emotion that can support fire energy to transform or create boundaries. In the case of lack of emotional attunement it might be that when we were little ones our emotions were not validated to help us learn to be with them as moving energies.

Through the systemic lens: Here is where this gets interesting and yet another layer. We simply have very few role models for women who hold sacred fire. In fact culturally we have shamed and shunned this. A woman with boundaries, fire or anger is often labelled a ‘bitch’ or and the language of what it takes to be a ‘good girl’ starts young.

Through the lens of ancestral trauma: This suppression of anger and fire goes way back – in this part of the world a ‘Scolds Bride’ was an instrument to stop troublesome women from talking. Troublesome meaning – had some fire. And there was so much of this.

I am not saying all women experience this. They don’t. But MANY of us have had to do the work and honestly it is the single biggest thread in my private practice and has been for some time.

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