Why I’m choosing to go deeper into shame work (even if it means earning less)

If I were to deepen into my work and become more aligned over the coming months, this is what I would do.

Spoiler alert: I am about to do this.

And further spoiler alert: I am fully prepared for this to mean less people want to engage with my work, although I know it holds the key to so much healing.

A decade of trauma work and what I discovered key to so

much healing).

Over the past ten years, my work has centred around trauma and post-traumatic growth. Mostly with individuals navigating childhood development trauma. As this work deepened, something began to emerge very clearly: What we often call trauma is, in fact, shame.

Time and time again, people would come to me after years of therapy, nervous system work, or coaching, still feeling stuck - still looping between survival and recovery. Shame has us doing that: one step forward, two steps back.

Ironically, it’s often shame itself that brings us into a healing journey. The feeling of not being good enough, not fitting in, not belonging. And yet, shame remains one of the least addressed and most misunderstood parts of the therapeutic and healing realms.

How modern healing culture feeds the problem

In many ways, the language of modern wellness has become a breeding ground for more shame:

“You won’t attract a partner until you fix your attachment style.”

“You won’t have a successful business until you become regulated.”

These messages reinforce the idea that our humanness - our dysregulation, our vulnerability, our imperfections - are problems to fix rather than experiences to meet.

Shame as a teacher, not an enemy

Through my work, I’ve become deeply fascinated (obsessed, even) with how shame operates - in our bodies, in our systems, in society and in our collective psyche through an intersectional lens. Shame is intergenerational. It is passed down, hidden in plain sight, woven through cultural narratives and passed like a family secret through generations.

And while it’s subtle, it’s also transformational when we learn to work with it.

Over the coming months, you’ll see more of my work shifting toward this subject. New courses, writings, and ways to engage with the alchemy of shame. A great paradox here is that in some ways, healing from shame is when we actually stop healing. When we finally breathe deeply into every cell and say - this is me.

There will still be the nervous system, activism, spirituality (without the ick), and embodiment - they are all interconnected. But the thread running through all of it is shame.

Because to move the needle on collective healing, we must ask: What do we need to shift - internally and externally - to truly transform shame?

Why I expect to earn less (and why that’s OK)

Very few people are ready to work with shame. Its nature is to hide, even from ourselves. When I’ve taught courses with over 300 attendees, as soon as I mention “shame” in the title, registrations drop below 50. That tells you everything.

But that won’t stop me. I believe this is the work we need for the collective good. It may make my work niche, even unpopular -  but that’s fine with me. Because healing shame changes everything.

Why might this mean fewer people engage? Quite simply, because most shame can feel like safety when it has been around a long time. And here lies a clue to one of the shapeshifting guises of shame... Its very nature is to hide. We can see this in ourselves. What we can’t often see are the blind spots and other places it hides. It is so chameleon-like in it’s sophistication which is why it is so often missed in therapy or healing.

A personal invitation

I firmly believe we need to work with shame for the collective good. I am still uncovering many areas of my own shame. But I am on a mission.

I’m still learning, still uncovering layers of my own shame, but I’m committed to this work. If this resonates, I invite you to join me - for writings, teachings, and offerings that go deeper.

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