Why “Feel All Your Feelings” Doesn’t Work in Somatic Therapy

As a somatic therapist and teacher, I’m absolutely an advocate for exploring the emotional body as a path to healing. But the mantra of “feel all the feelings” has been simplified and taken out of context, so much so that it can actually create shame and overwhelm rather than sustainable healing.

Many people’s disconnect with their emotions stems from childhood trauma, often paired with shame. Avoidance might have been their superpower of survival when they were younger. So why would we rip the band-aid off straight away? That avoidance holds deep wisdom, and respecting it is part of the healing process.

The overwhelm factor

Overwhelm is the enemy. For some, the emotional body is a place of intense overwhelm. Feeling feelings isn’t about forcing exposure. It’s about creating space for it to emerge safely.

I get asked often by Somatic Therapy mentees: “I can’t get my clients to feel the emotional stuff underneath - how do I get them to?”

Here’s the tricky wisdom:

1. It’s not our job to make them feel

I know you want to help. But holding too tightly to that desire can create a relational field that mirrors early dynamics of control or overwhelm. Instead, focus on your own centre and create a field that allows their experience to unfold.

2. Don’t go straight to the emotional body

The mind is often a protector. Psychoeducation, shame-free and non-pressuring can help bring the mind on board. Ask your client how emotions were role-modelled in their childhood. By stepping back and educating, you build a roadmap for the emotional body to follow at its own pace.

3. Meet them where they are

Over-exerting the desire to make someone feel their feelings misses what they may need most: validation, safety, and agency. Exploring somatic therapy and the experience of not wanting to feel is itself powerful medicine. It builds somatic vocabulary, deshames, and creates a sense of choice. Listen for phrases like, “I don’t want to go there” and explore that somatically.

As helpers, our urge to fix is strong but nuanced, relational, and somatic approaches hold the real power.

There’s so much more to this, titration of emotions, resourcing, relational fields, and subtle techniques for shame-sensitive work. If you want to go deeper, it might be time to explore the Focalizing Practitioner Course, a 60-hour trauma-informed and shame-sensitive program starting this November.