Shame and The Body

The root of shame is in the body.

We may catch it sometimes when we notice it rearing it’s head in the conscious realms of:

“I am wrong,” or “I should not be like this,” or “I am bad and I am going to be found out,” or words to this effect.

But how does shame live in the body?

One of the best ways I heard this described is from a mentor of mine, the late Brett Lyon.

Brett would say that, “Shame is the mix of a freeze response and a primal emotion.”

This starts to give clues to some of the ways in which we may notice this in the body.

Signs of where the freeze response may be part of the experience include:

• Body goes still.

• Muscles lose tone.

• Breath becomes shallow.

• Mind feels slow or blank.

• Difficulty moving or speaking.

It’s a kind of micro-paralysis designed to reduce social attention.

Shame also has very distinct body behaviours because it’s an ancient, survival-based emotion. It’s not just “in your head.” It’s an embodied submission response designed to make you appear small, safe, and non-threatening to the group.

These may look like:

• Shoulders pulling inward.

• Chest caving or sinking.

• Upper back hunching.

• Head dropping down.

• Chin tucking.

• Eyes lowering or closing.

• Torso folding or concaving.

Not meeting all of this in the body is why we so often feel stuck on our healing journey. 

Because shame very often takes us into a healing journey, “I am bad so I must fix myself.”

Whereas being with shame in a somatic healing process invites us to meet these reactions that live in the nervous system, not the mind.

We need to tenderly invite this warm, somatic approach to gently teach the body-mind that it’s safe to rise, open, and be seen again.

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