What I Know About Letting Go...
Here is what I know about letting go..….
…which should be titled I have learn't an awful lot about holding on.
I would say at least a good 80% percent of new client consultations include the phrase ‘I want to let go of…’
And boy do I understand that well. I spent years trying to let go of an awful lot.
But you see this phrase itself is an act of heroic holding on. So what do I mean by that? Well at its essence, in the very origin of its existence is the belief that it is an object being held. Let that sink in……. And not only held but prized so much that is being held up to ceremonially ‘let go of’.
And the mind believes it is an activity it has control of when rally the body knows this best.
Control. The more socially acceptable cousin of resistance.
So first we have to give up the minds formed idea of letting go. It simply gets in the way.
It gets in the way on the form of resistance.
I offer my patterns of resistance in the hope that in doing so this resonates and paves a path for yours to be seen and soften (as a professional and human I can tell you that at least some of these will resonate with most people). Ready? Buckle up. It’s was like a really shitty, only occasionally stopping merry-go-round. Here goes; self-sabotage, disassociation, bodily pain, sluggishness, shame, blame, comparison and the mother of all a massive self-critic.
You see. I told you I knew a lot about resistance. Trust me it’s not a prize I would have chosen but when we turn to meet our resistance and understand it, indeed love it a little, only then are the conditions right for letting go.
'Letting Go Pose'
I say to you if you are intent on letting go to first of all respect what you meet on the way. The very things that hold you back hold the key to letting go. The very reason we are holding on and this resistance shows up is from a time when the pattern was formed when we possibly were not well resourced enough to let go.
So thank it.
It was serving you well at the time.
Most of all it stops our creative life force. Like a plug. And our creative life force is ultimately stronger than any plug. At some point, with the right conditions, it can push through. So now when I see the resistance of myself or another, so intimate is my relationship with resistance that I can witness what also resides within it.
And that is surrender.
And when surrender tenderly steps in any idea of letting go is let go. And then we step a little bit closer back to freedom.
So can we ‘do’ anything about this? Well I repeat. Give up the mind’s idea of letting go.
Let go of letting go.
Instead embrace the idea of creating the conditions for safety. True fierce self-love, compassion and radical self-acceptance. There is true agency in that.
'Self Care Pose'
This is the only way to a sustained rewiring of those patterns. And it doesn’t need lots of big cathartic actions (these are very often not well sustained). Often when conscious choice arises it's a matter of asking – what is the kindest thing I can do for myself right now? And whatever it is. Do that.
And time. All of this takes time. No short cuts. Kindness and time.
Only then does surrender show up as an act of grace.
And the body activates surrender. The mind rarely does.
And how beautiful it is. Messy? Sometimes it may seem it because that is what we label this most ‘human-ness’. Me? I see it as beauty.
And if you think it is any more beautiful or less gracious than the phases of resistance let me tell you it isn’t. Only a vantage point of resistance would label it so.
There is much to learn and much grace in these moments of resistance. I can see that now and this embodied experience certainly support me and the practice I share. And whist it may hinder our create life force held in the short term there is one hell of a juicy flow when we plug back in, filled with the richness of the journey.
A journey waiting to be told.
P.S. Whilst long term 'letting go of getting go' and surrender may take a little grace we can embody this to help the journey with the Embodied Yoga Principles poses shown above. I often practice them together - Self Care First, Surrender then letting go. For more in-depth work on this I work with client on Somatic Therapy.
Feel free to reach to as always.